Pfennig fuer Kharon

Since graduating college, I have not been able to find work. This has lead to a lot of hardships and struggles on my behalf. However, I have managed to stay alive. I am most worried about my lack of dental care... not cool. Otherwise, I have been studying X86-64 ASM, and working on building a 64bit DOS. I've also been building a website for a museum in Westchester Ohio, and putting my resume together. I am still an avid reader, and I am still a language nerd. I have been learning Italian and Chinese. Both have been moving rather slowly.

So, a little more about this DOS. First, I have had to change the executable format. The nature of MZ EXEs and DOS COMs limits you to real mode and 640k of addressable RAM. This meant I had to pick something else. I chose to use ELF. Yet, to keep it in some way DOS, I will still limit the filenames. 60+6 is the allowable. This means you could have 60 character long names with a .config, .exe, .com, .dll, whatever. Moving through, I also realized that since exFAT is patented by Microsoft, I need a new filesystem for hard discs. I am going to keep fat12 as the standard for floppies (as currently it is the only supported FS, and I have not yet implemented HDD support). I am going to use OpenBFS as my standard filesystem. It's 64bit, and doesn't have a 4gb file limit like fat32. These are all major changes, but in the interest of having a modern 64bit DOS environment, they are all necessary changes.

Still on the list of stuff to do:
enforce filename constraints
.BAT support
.DLL support
SATA/IDE support
OpenBFS implementation
CD/DVD/BR support
USB kb/mouse
USB storage
More commands in the command.com

The name I have chosen is Jacquard. The Jacquard loom was the first successful, reprogrammable device. DOS was the first widely successful operating system. I feel that the naming is apt.

As per usual things got rather busy for me lately, but I totally, totally, totally just graduated College...

So here we are. Windows 7 launched and it isn't like the whole world changed. We knew it wouldn't. Snow Leopard launched with much less fan fare, but it brought some changes that someone needed to make. A fully 64bit OS that focuses on multi-core technologies as well the disposal of the Power libraries that permeated the Darwin landscape. Windows and Macintosh will be battling this out for many years to come. What changed with Linux?

With the latest release of Ubuntu we saw some major changes. Things have become more tightly integrated, flashier and heavier. Is this the direction we want? Google Chromium has shown us a Linux system that is only a web browser. The newest Fedora and SuSE systems are very similar to the Ubuntu systems. People are trying to compete with both Macintosh and Windows, and while this is good in gaining market share, many of us are getting frustrated with the increasing lack of customizability.

What was Linux? Just another UNIX clone. What was UNIX? UNIX was an operating system that was built of a kernel and tools. Each tool was a small program that did one thing, only one thing, and did that singular task extremely well. There were then interface programs that would use the plethora of available tools to create complex applications. This idea died. With various groups all trying to create the best UNIX-clone the idea of UNIX fell off the face of the Earth. X11, GNOME, XFCE, KDE, GNU in general (think emacs or GCC), and many other groups got rid of this idea. Whether this was a good move or bad move is mostly a matter of opinion. Clearly, however, we are not going UNIX. We are now headed the same direction Macintosh and Windows are. A single program to rule them all. The extreme of this being Google Chromium OS.

 Most of you are aware that I am very highly political, and that my political view points can get very radical at times. The thing is, I know for a fact that my view points cannot be incorrect. This may sound very haughty, but I assure you it is not. I am not trying to say that I am all knowing or anything, it is simply that I know how my country works, I know the views that abound, I know my country's history and the history of similar countries throughout history, and finally I also know the problems that are my country has. Hearing some of the things that liberals are talking about is driving me mad! Straight loony! I'm nearly ready to pop off to a pub and have a few pints everyday a couple times each day just to make certain I stay sane.  The problem isn't any instability in my head; the problem is that constantly hearing something that is just plain wrong over and over again from several different sources starts to wear on you. It is not just one thing that I am hearing either. Liberalism must be some kind of mental disorder.

So, now that half of you quit reading... I think I will explain.

First, America is no longer the nation it was supposed to be. Our founding fathers would no longer even recognize this country as the one of which they dreamed. You wonder why? Very simple. This country was set up to have a decentralized government, and the reason for this is that centrally ruled large nations have a history of collapse. The problems facing people on the West coast are not the same as those facing the East. In the West we are suffering drought, and in the East we are facing inundation so drastic that it's destroying our infrastructure. So, over time people have put more and more power into the hands of our federal government until now we are essentially no different from the nations of soft tyranny against which we rebelled. This is just basic reason. Why should a guy in Seattle being paying money to someone in Atlanta? We can say all of this good crap about charity and whatnot, but then we are talking about fascism. I do not believe in charity, as I think it robs the individual of honor and pride. So why should I be forced to give up some of my money to help someone else? Enforcing religion much are we? Why is the government educating the populace? I thought we saw where that leads with Hitler... I am steadfastly against any kind of arms control, as I believe that all people should have the right to defend themselves. If you outlaw guns only outlaws will have guns and this leads to widespread violence (not to mention I would rather be shot once than beaten with a shillelagh repeatedly when we talk about law enforcement). We also need to think of how much it costs to run a nation centrally. Really here, how much postage must be paid to send papers out to 300,000,000 people? Uh. Sorry this is very unorganized, but I need to rant.

I have already discussed my stance on charity, and especially charity enforced by law. I dislike government funded education. But the whole notion of running America in a centralized way is ridiculously stupid. It just costs too much fucking (bloody for you english types) money. If I am the owner of a business that employs 1,000,000 people, do you really think I could manage that many people? Would be able to run around and check each person's work? No, things need to be broken up and dealt with by managers at a lower level. This is the idea of America. You have one government at the top that serves as a diplomat for 50 different countries. This government at the top also prints the money for all 50 of those nations. This government at the top provides a singular military force for all 50 nations. This government at the top also makes sure that states work with one another regarding interstate trade, prisoner extradition, and this government at the top also handles territorial disputes between nations. This is no longer what that government does. Now it is trying to out do the states. This top level government now has its own police force for use against the people (FBI), it has surveillance power over the people as well as other nations (CIA, NSA), and it can even control what you eat, where you eat it, and under what conditions that food must be prepared (FDA). You want a cigarette (fag for those english types), guess what? The President has made it illegal for you to smoke any cigarette whose contents contain anything other than pure tobacco. Sounds like a king to me. Fundamentally, the problem here can be reduced to two simple sentences. The federal government in the USA was built to provide services to member states of the union. It was not built to 'rule' the people.

Most conservatives disagree with me too. They think I am too radical in my beliefs, and part of this comes from my hatred of the Fair Tax too, which I want to explain. The FairTax (a consumption tax rather than production tax) still promotes a large governmental system. It is saying that the federal government still has the right to take money out of people's hands. Why? It provides no services to me, and as such should not be able to tax me. The federal government supplies services to states, and should therefore tax states. Other problems that are more practical exist as well. Where are you drawing the line between what is and is not a necessity of life? Gucci shoes are not a necessity, but it are clothing. Twinkies are not a necessity but are food. Will they be taxed then? Next, we need to remember that when it started, the graduated income tax did not contain exceptions and loop-holes. If I am Walmart, I will want a tax exemption on a consumption tax for my store and the things it sells. A tax exemption would make me more competitive. So lobbying would still be widespread, and we can guess that any politician can be bought for a high enough price. What's this rebate stuff too? Who is going to send those out? The IRS. So the IRS doesn't get eliminated. It would need to be there to process all of the rebates and so on.

Ok. I am done for now.

 First, in what world do you spell tire like 'tyre'? It's not a gas pump or even go go juice station, it's for some reason a petrol station. Then I find out that when someone says 'on the slip road back towards the motorway' they are trying to tell me about something that happened on a highway on-ramp. A car park is a parking lot, and while at first this may seem to be an OK deviation between the languages it does cause problems, because it in certain parts of the USA a car park is junk yard that is dedicated specifically to automobiles. In the USA, using the word 'rubber' as an object noun means that you are referring to a condom, in the UK this means a pencil eraser. Apparently in the UK you queue. You get in a queue, and apparently this happens often. In America, we generally say that we get in line. This alone wouldn't be a problem for me really. I am used to both ways of saying it, but I think most Americans would have a bit of an issue here because they've never even heard the word queue, and saying that you are in a queue automatically makes you sound queer. Only in the UK does someone say that he went to the bookies, and bookies is the singular and the plural for the guy who takes your bets. In the USA, a bookie is the singular and the plural or possessive would be bookies. You know, a truck is called lorry in the UK. This is really weird. I think I heard the word lorry like 50 times before I figured out what it was that was being talked about. Apparently, I was supposed to know that when a Kingdom man says paraffin he means kerosene, or that when he says mackintosch he means raincoat, or that when he says 'I got a rise' he doesn't mean a phallic erection but really means that he got a pay raise at work. What is sellotape you ask? That's scotch tape. A silencer in the UK doesn't refer to a flash dampener on a fire arm as all fire arms are illegal, it instead refers to a muffler on a car or lorry as it were. A spanner doesn't refer to a measuring tool in the UK, it instead refers to a wrench. Your oil pan is called a sump in the UK. No clue as to why that one is. In the UK, both the spigot and the faucet are called a tap... strangely I have no clue as to what the Kingdom folks would call a tap (as in a keg tap for beer). The dish towel is suddenly called a tea-towel, which is surprising considering I figured that all dishes should be dried, not only those used with tea. The british have tendency to call a flashlight (moonbeam for some in the USA) a torch. Strangely, how would you then make a differentiation between a torch (fire) and a torch (incandescent). The shoulder of a road in the USA is called the verge in the UK. Not altogether weird or anything but it took me a minute when I saw a sign that said 'soft verges ahead'. OK, I think I am done now.

 Standing precariously close to the edge. How did I get here? I'm searching for that secure footing, you know, the one that keeps me from going over this precipice. Each foot is plodding down one in front of the other as I play this balancing game. Something draws me to this point and I stare the long way down to the bottom of this cliff, and somehow the thought of total oblivion is comforting. Sweat is boring down my brow. Its soaking my back. Drops are falling into the fine dirt below my feet, dark little specs in an ocean of light brown Earth. My hands are shaking. Why can't I just jump head first? Why can't I just walk away from this point? My head swims with too many thoughts. It won't stop. A thought, a concentration, skip... next thought. My foot slips and rocks and Earth go tumbling over. I never hear them hit bottom. I never hear them stop. The lack of control, the lack of brakes. Nothing stopped their free fall. They just kept falling. A free fall for the rest of time. How sweet the thought... I, however, never seem to have the fortitude to actually go over. I went once. Started my fall. Before I got too far someone threw me a rope. Should I thank the person or kill the person?

 Occasionally, you catch yourself. You swore things would be different. You swore you would change things forever. Change yourself forever. You were not going to be that guy. Yet, you caught yourself slipping into old habits. You felt the guy you swore you'd never be again resurfacing, sticking his ugly head out the filthy backwaters of your mind. Your slippery slope to self-destruction, your footing... you misstep. Down you go. Spiraling out of control. Nothing to hold on to. All the way to rock-bottom, and all because you were too weak to change. You're a pathetic piece of shit who cannot fix himself.

In the USA, our government was intended to be something far different from what it now is. This is evident when reading the Constitution, and even more evident by hearing the terms we use for our government members. We call the majority of our government members 'public servants'. This means they SERVE US RATHER THAN RULE US. This distinction may seem very trivial at first, but the implication is rather large. The US federal government was not intended to be a ruling body, but rather a facilitating body. What I mean by that, is that it provided several services to the states. It was made to print money, regulate trade between states, provide a military, provide a chief diplomat, and that was mostly it. To become a member state of the USA states had to have a government that observed the Bill of Rights, and violations of the Bill of Rights were never actually hit on except that people had the right and responsibility to change their government should the government infringe on those rights, but this was never in the Constitution, only in the Declaration of Independence.

Many people say that this model is outdated, but I disagree. In the mid 1800s, several states tried to secede from the USA due to corruption within the federal government. The federal government started doing things explicitly forbidden by the 10th Amendment (the 10th Amendment states that any power not explicitly given to the federal government by the Constitution is reserved for the states or the people). When those states declared independence from the USA they were subsequently invaded by the USA. This started the War Between the States (often called the Civil War). Since that point in time, the USA has become increasingly more and more corrupt, bureaucratic, federalist, and socialist. Most of the problems our nation currently faces are due to this fundamental change in our government's structure and function.

Rising crime rates can be solved by removing restrictions on gun ownership. Criminals are less likely to commit crimes when knowing that any person could be carrying. Poverty can be destroyed by reducing tax burdens, and allowing people to keep more of their money. Taxing the rich means that the rich who employ people have less money. If those rich who employ people have less money they now must pay people less, raise prices, or hire fewer people {these are the causes of poverty}. Education issues can be solved by ridding the country of compulsory education, ridding the country of government run educational institutions, and ridding the country of any form of government welfare. Education does not mean institutional schooling. Education does not mean forced study. Education doesn't mean forcing parents to hand their children over to the government for 180 days each year. Education means forcing people to learn and better themselves in order to live, survive, and thrive by allowing them to fail, starve, and die at their own hands. Health care problems can be solved through tort reform, removal of regulation, and the abolition of the FDA. If health care providers screw up, they deserve to be shut down by the choices of people and market forces like every other company, but forcing them to adhere to impossible regulatory standards and high taxes, and high regulatory compliance costs isn't the way to make health care affordable (these things are applicable to several different industries if not all).

Ok. So, I have to admit that I am a Marilyn Manson fan. Youthful indiscretions occasionally carry over into adulthood, and that was on of them. I was really disappointed with his second to last album (the Golden Age of Grotesque). It was a very pop-rock-esque album, and wasn't anything like his previous work. From his debut album, Portrait of an American Family, he started to define his sound. His was close to that of Nine Inch Nails and Thrill Kill Kult, and one could consider those three bands the only members of their own genre. Antichrist Superstar was very similar in sound. Mechanical Animals was a massive departure from his normon some songs, but others we're typical of Manson, but with the subsequent release of Holy Wood he was back to his normal self. The Golden Age of Grotesque wasn't really... awful, but it wasn't Manson. Eat Me Drink Me. Can't say much there. I really felt like Eat Me Drink Me was mediocre. Like him or not Marilyn Manson has a good track record. However, I will say that Eat Me Drink Me's "The Red Carpet Grave" is the first song by Marilyn Manson that I have heard on a radio station in Georgia (besides Beautiful People). In Cincinnati, Manson was on WEBN and Z97.3 rather often (after Holy Wood anyway). Otherwise, Eat Me Drink Me was rather unimpressive. With his newest release, The High End of Low, I must say I am pleased. This is first album since Mechanical Animals that really got me to smile while listening to it (something I do when I really really really like music).

One of the strangest things about Marilyn Manson's music is how much he makes fun of his own fans in his music. Quite a bit of his fanbase consists of teenage girls (often Twilight Fans). As a matter of fact, the person who introduced me to Marilyn Manson was my first real girlfriend in 8th grade and first neo-goth to enter the little town of Fairfield, Ohio. These are often the subjects of ridicule in his music. Otherwise, quite a bit of his music is shock-rock that either aims to make fun of or trash mainstream American culture, or it's actually serious artwork through which he is trying to convey a message (very few songs fit the bill). But, at least he's not ICP who destroyed their own reason for existence.

A lot of people hate Manson, and at his concerts you will typically see religious protesters. Why don't people protest rappers? Why don't people protest Mastodon? Dimmu Borgir? Metallica? Quite a bit of the rap out there, and quite a bit of normal 'main stream' rock is more radically bizarre and explicit. And hey, tons of people love Alice Cooper, but Manson never had a dead baby tour.

Portrait of an American Family - Gold
Antichrist Superstar - Platinum
Mechanical Animals - Platinum
Holy Wood - Gold
The Golden Age of Grotesque - Gold
Eat Me Drink Me - ?
The High End of Low - ?

Many people would have you believe that you can be healthy without the consumption of animal products. I disagree. The facts just do not add up. First and foremost, Vitamin D is found almost exclusively in animals. People often try to say that the human body produces enough vitamin D without the need for any external sources. This is true for many but not all. Dark skinned people would need to be outdoors for several hours every day which would increase the risk for melanoma. People who live in areas that have significant cloud cover, pollution, or other adverse affects cannot get adequate sunlight. Also, for those who work, being outdoors for several hours during daylight hours (say 9 to 5) is not an option and we therefore cannot produce enough Vitamin D on our own. Vitamin D2 can be found in mushrooms, but no in high quantities, and only in certain types of mushroom (UV irradiated). Otherwise Vitamin D is present exclusively in animals and dairy.

Vitamin K is fat soluble. Digestion of Vitamin K is improved quite a bit by the presence of dairy. It is made nigh impossible by high levels of sugar (such as those most vegans have by the need for more fruits and processed foods).

Vitamin B12 is found exclusively in meats and dairy. It is essential for the proper function of the nervous system, and production of red blood cells. A lack of B12 leads to anemia. B3 is found in meats and dairy as well as other forms, however, a high intake of legumes or brewers yeast can have an adverse affect on B9 and render your body inable to synthesize DNA, leading to advanced aging, and anemia, rickets, and other maladies.

Many Vegans also have calcium and iron deficiencies as you would need to eat a very large amount of fibrous foods to meat your needs. Without dairy in your diet, this can lead to uncomfortable defication. Many vegans use soy as a replacement for meats, this would be fine if high soy consumption didn't lead to breast cancer and a decrease in testosterone. Attention, memory, and spatial ability are key cognitive functions affected by testosterone in humans. Low testosterone levels may be a risk factor for cognitive decline and possibly for dementia of the Alzheimer’s type (testosterone production decreases in the elderly --hence the common loss of memory, and rise in dementia as we age).  Testosterone also plays a key part in muscular development and hair growth.

The short of it is, I will always eat animal products. Plus, I really like leather, and jello.

I am not going to say that I really dislike Michael Jackson or his music, and I try not to speak ill of the dead. Michael Jackson's music was good, and he was a fantastic entertainer. That I will not deny. I will, however, wonder how he became such a disgusting looking freak. I mean, getting cartilage taken from you ear to fill your nose that is almost falling off of your face? How did we come so far!? A black man can grow up to become an effeminate white man? He didn't even look real in most of the photos I have seen, just a plastic shell around a skeleton...  This man is accused of child molestation, and we cannot really dismiss the charge. Whether or not he was a pedophile is debatable, but no matter that he wasn't normal at all. He constructed a giant place called Neverland, where he acted like a child with other children. It was a giant private play land for himself and five year old kids. In what world would it be normal for a 40 to 50 year old man to play with little kids in a giant fantasy land constructed to take the man back to a childhood he never had?

This is just one more sign in an ongoing demoralization of America, and the growing problem of liberalization. We start by saying that homosexuality is ok, and what is going to be next? Pedophilia? Beastiality? Necrophilia? We allow homosexual marriage, and what's next you can marry a five year old kid? You can marry a dog? You can marry a corpse?

We get to this point where it is ok to have fake body parts, body modifications, and tattoos... it is now ok to change your skin color, get so much plastic surgery that your nose starts falling off. What's next? Are we going to allow people to modify themselves so much that they are no longer recognizably human? When does it all stop?

Some people think that I am extreme in my views, but it has happened before. Abortion was illegal for quite some time. Then we said ok, in the first trimester we will allow it. We got comfortable there and next it was in the second trimester. Now we are saying late third term. Partial birth abortions are being performed every day, and Obama is pushing to make it completely legal and universally available. For those who are unaware, a partial birth abortion means that as the child's head is exposed during birth a spike is shoved in the brain stem, and the brain is scrambled "aborting the child." THIS IS THE SHIT THAT HAPPENS WHEN WE ALLOW MORALLY QUESTIONABLE THINGS TO HAPPEN. I will admit that I have no problem with gay marriage, I have no problem with first term abortion, I have no problem with piercing, tattoos, or hair dye. I am afraid at where we will take it all... as we have with abortion.

Are we all really that complacent that we just allow things to go to the next level without thinking, without fighting? We cannot allow our nightmares to take place! Do you want to live in Blade Runner? Or how about Brave New World? Do you want your children living in a giant cesspool?

I just have to tell you all that every time someone mentions how Bush messed things up, I get so angry that I really do want to puke. George W. Bush did more for the people of this country than most of our recent presidents managed. Namely, he lowered tax rates, protected us from foreigners, protected our trade interests around the world, and still many more things (such as ensuring our right to own firearms). People like to say that our current economic crisis is due to George Bush, but unfortunately, the debt went up through 8 years by about the same amount that it has gone up in the 6 months since Obama has been in office. More over the insolvency of Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac is due to policies made during the Clinton administration (a law that required 42% of all loans made to be to people who make less than the medium income in their area). So, keep that in mind.

Though there is one thing I really do need to ask, why does everyone hate the operations in the Near East so darned much? I never really had any problem with it, and I WAS FUCKING THERE! I LOST FRIENDS IN IT! AND I STILL SUPPORT OUR ACTIONS! This liberal bullshit has to go. There is right and wrong, and so often the left just loves to be in the middle of all that is wrong. Instead of freedom of religion the left wants freedom from religion. The left wants the family destroyed, they want morality taken out of public sight, moral degeneration and overall over-indulgence is all that people on the left really want. Why? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!! Then, when the facts are staring you in the face, the left just cannot comprehend that their thoughts and beliefs are not only what got us there, but they will make it all worse too. Next, when confronted, they cannot even keep a good argument. Instead of the logical idea of trying to stick to a topic and argue it successfully, liberals just love to jump all over the fucking place and bring up a whole bunch of unrelated things that are not facts in any way. Ok. It's off my chest now.

While I was standing in line at the tag office in Buford, GA, I had a wonderful conversation with a middle-aged African American woman. It started with the weather, and she asked if I was new to the area. I told her that I had been here for about 3 years (I moved to GA in '01 but was away in the USMC). I commented that I was originally from Ohio, and what a shock it was to come here and have people from all over the Earth in the community. She worked with a company that did a lot of work in Ohio and the started a whole discussion about the American Mid-West. It was a rather enlightening and refreshing conversation, and I am thoroughly glad that I had it.

if (strcmp(people, opressed) == 0) {
standup();
if (voice == notheard) {
fight();
rights++;
}
}
while (people != opressed) {
vigilance();
if (strcmp(government, corrupt) == 0) {
speakout();
if (voice == notheard) {
fight();
rights++;
}
}
}

Everyone today wants to blame oil companies and George Bush for the reason gasoline is now over $4.00 per gallon in the United States of America. This is non-sense. It is not George Bush's fault. It is not the oil companies' fault. You want to blame them, but they are not to blame. What can a president do to lessen the cost of oil? He can urge congress to change their policies (which George Bush has tried), or he can go to the foreign nations that supply us with oil and ask them to increase production (which he has tried). The Saudis told us no, they will not increase production to the United States of America. Why will they not do so? The dollar is weak. Once again, the dollar being weak has little to do with the president of the USA, and little to do with the businesses of the USA. It has everything to do with congress. Congress sets tax rates, congress passes laws that restrict business, congress does it all. The problem right now is not that oil companies have changed their prices. Oil companies have the same profit margin that they have always had. They may be making record profits, but their costs went up to. This means that those profits are not really profits. Those profits have to be spent on yet more oil to meet demand. Congress wants to raise the taxes on oil companies. This is not going to help anything. It will only make everything worse.

You see, share holders of corporations do not pay corporate taxes. Neither do the employees of the corporation. They are not legally responsible for the corporation. The 15-35% tax rate on corporations in the USA is directly applied to product price, because NO ONE else in the corporation pays the taxes. The employees pay FICA, social security, income, and medicare taxes. The shareholders pay capital gains tax. Do any of those taxes sound like Corporate Income Tax? Nope. Who pays? You pay it every time you buy something in the United States of America that was in any way provided by a corporation.

So, it can be safely assumed that should taxes on energy/oil companies rise the price per unit will also rise. Why then would people like Obama and Hillary want to raise the taxes on oil companies? It fits a certain agenda. The worse life gets the more people will need to turn to the government for help. The family structure of our society has already been eroded by leftist policies, as has the religious sector of our society. If you can turn to neither family nor God, where are you going to go for help? The government. You will give them more power in the interest of security and to make your life easier to live. As you do, you will give up your rights. In this way, the power hungry win, and those who are less powerful lose.

Hitting the oil companies is just one more step.

For some reason people really do not see the reason things are the way they are. So many people get wrapped up in the things that make absolutely no difference, and they fail to see the things that matter. A while back, I remember dating a girl (whom I will not name). She told me that she does not care about politics because political matters do not affect her daily life. This sounded to me to be the most ignorant statement I had ever heard. Subsequently, I left. Yet, I find this sentiment to be widespread. Further in this train of thought, people care little for economics. People think they care about the environment, but concerning the environment they only think on a micro level. Micro issues fix themselves. Macro issues are the ones that need addressing. Global warming? Sorry folks. Nothing we can do to change that one. However, there are things we could be doing to minimize the effects. People think that war is totally evil. There is always a war somewhere in the world. There are always going to be people killing one another. At least the current operations in Iraq are justified (if you disagree... ok let's debate). No one wants to pay attention to the things that matter. Or maybe people are too ignorant to realize what matters. Oh well.

The rain was falling heavily, a thunderous clamor on the roof. I tossed and turned restlessly. Those thoughts kept racing in my mind as I tried to figure it all out. Where was this leading me? What had I done? Was everything just one big mistake? Should I have just carried on as before? Or was this all right? Had I done what I should? Sweat was pouring off my body and pooling on the sheets around me. The fan kept spinning and moving the stiflingly damp, hot air around. Tossing and turning and getting caught in wet sheets, I laid there awake and thought. Nothing seemed to fit. Nothing seemed to make sense. Was I losing my mind? One thought invariably leads to another, and you realize it only after you've thought it, yet the chain reaction has already started. The self-doubt and self-loathing. The loss of reason. You no longer see the point to anything. How did you get back to this? How did you let yourself slip into that kind of despair? How do you get back out of it after you're in it? The red lights of the clock on the bed-side table were blaring at me: 4 hours until work. I had four hours until I had to start the mind numbing process of daily life. I hadn't slept at all. I worked myself out of the tangle of bed sheets. I walked down the stairs, swaying with every step. I walked into the kitchen. Shadows danced on everything. Wood gleamed in the tiny electronic lighting of modern kitchen appliances. Reaching down and opening the cupboard, I pulled out a bottle. No real care as to what it was. I opened the bottle and laid myself down on the cold hard word floor. Ah, cold kitchen floor. So much better than a hot bed. I drank and drank. I drank until the thoughts stopped. I drank until the pain faded in my mind. I drank until I passed out. I drank myself into the welcoming arms of oblivion, that oblivion that utterly demolishes the every last remnant of whatever. I could finally sleep. I could finally rest. Until that fucking alarm went off...

Dad : "That Coca Cola shit is bad for you. I have to dilute it with alcohol."
Mom : "Coca Cola is not a beverage; it's a mixer."

I hate punk kids, and I am going to tell you why.

During the sixties and seventies there was an attempted revolution by the children of the time. Everyone was talking of building a whole new world where love and peace and prosperity were the supreme ideals. Every morning all of these kids woke up expecting to see the new world unfolding around them, and each morning came with stinging disappointment. Over time all of these kids became weary. What was it they were truly rebelling against? Did they even know? I doubt one would find a doctrine that united those involved with the Children's Revolt (unless one counts the Communist Manifesto). When the revolution was finally just dwindling away into a fashion statement, some would ask what happened. The response was usually rather sobering : "What did you expect? That was just a bunch of stupid kids talking." No one is going to change the world, because in reality no one gives a shit about the world. People merely want to live out there lives in the easiest, most comfortable, and most enjoyable way possible. Go to school, work until you're sixty, then move to Florida and die. That is the way of things here in the United States of America.

Today the fashion statement that was started in the Children's Revolt has inspired a whole new slew of kids wanting to rebel against something. Each one of this kids can give his or her opinion on why they are rebelling, and against what it is that they are rebelling. There is no unity, and there is no true motive, no goal. They want to rebel, and so they try. Some rebel against society, others government, and still others religion. Why? To what end? What are they truly trying to accomplish? All they seem to accomplish is the gaining of attention. Yet, when the attention is too great they then proceed to yell about how they do not want attention. They say they hate the establishment, but if they were to vote they would likely vote for liberal candidates, because they protest all of the conservatives who want to do away with much of the establishment. They say they hate society, but what did society at large do to them except exist, which allows them to get jobs, money, that with which all other things in this world are attained.

Some are merely all for the music, even this is flawed. If you are just about the music you should be all about the music. Music is communication, and if you hate what the singer is trying to communicate... why listen? It may have a pleasurable sound, but if that is all you want, you are exactly like the corporate listeners, whom you loathe so much. Underground? If you found it there are listeners, and by supporting the band you make them more popular. When their popularity is too great for a small-time label, where will they go? They will seek a larger label that has deeper pockets. Then you will accuse them of "selling out."

So I hate punk kids, and now you know why.

It's funny isn't it? In one gesture your whole life can change just because you think something new, feel something new. Maybe you thought it wasn't possible. You thought life was static... but nothing is static. And so everything is different, because you see it differently. So now everything is changed... and you feel... what? New? Do you feel reborn? Do you feel like a new person?